Starting the Tractor – Fossil Fuel – Apocalypse Science

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Yesterday I went to town for three gallons of diesel. That’s ten dollars in today’s worthless money. I brought the diesel home and put it in the Kubota tractor parked in the barn. I say parked, but it could have been placed there by Abraham or Moses. The antiquity and patina of this tractor is authentic. The Titanic sank and the tractor parked in the barn on the same day.

I pour the diesel into the tractor. All the while I have the battery charging. I turn it over a few times. I go back up to the cabin to wait on the charge, so I can have some cranking amps at my disposal. After about thirty minutes, I walk down to the barn to attempt the start.

The room was anxious. If the tractor doesn’t start, a complicated towing procedure will have to be developed. Millions of tax payer dollars. Countless hours of engineering know-how. Starting the tractor would be a great benefit to the homestead. Most of all, I want to drive the thing. Have you ever had the pleasure of driving a tractor?

Clutch is on the left. Press that in cause I don’t know if it’s in gear or if the gearbox functions, or, if the gearbox is an empty housing of antique metal.

I started with the throttle lever in center position. It also has a small round throttle pedal at the right foot, next to the break. One break for each rear tire, two break pedals, but you can easily press them at same time.

I ended up moving the throttle lever during start to several different positions. Finally, placing the throttle at the full ON position the tractor made a purring noise and black soot billowed from the rusted exhaust. The Holy Spirit told me to leave the throttle right there and let the beast purr and billow.

She cranked in that position for several exciting moments. Her purr changed to a slow walk, tempo and key change for dramatic effect. She was on the rails now. Something was going to happen.

Revolutions increasing. Crystal glow plugs in headers incinerating fuels made from subsumed history– they all begin to sync up in glorious combustion.

Do you really believe oil comes from dead dinosaurs you fucking dolt? “Fossil Fuel” lol

I digress, the diesel engine started right up and all is well. I think I’ll go drive my tractor now.

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